crazy-interview

Today Will Kosh stopped by for a crazy/awkward interview. He’s written a few movie reviews. Check them out below.

Crazy/Awkward Interview with Will Kosh

*gestures at the empty seat beside her* Hey, Will! Oh, hang on. *lifts pillow and tosses the Darth Maul action figure.* Okay, it should be safe now. Want a piece of fancy chocolate or cheese? *eyes carefully to see which is picked*

I’ll take the cheese. I come from Wisconsin. Not Belgium. I hate Belgium. It would be a lovely country… Were it not for all the damn Belgians. So, about my book…

It sounds like there’s a lot going on in your book but this angsty teens line at the very end has intrigued me. Angsty teens who haven’t committed physical assault need not apply?

…The book is actually out of print now. Turns out it sucked! (Note to editor: yes, it took me that long to get to this interview.) I’m hoping to re-write and re-publish though, with 30% more teen angst! As for the physical assault, I don’t know how to write things without physical assault, and as a result there is a lot of physical assault in my work. For example, check out this excerpt from a play I once wrote:

Vladmir: Damnit Mikael, without this treaty there is no more Ukraine so save! Our only chance is to let the Mensheviks have their way and pray that they make good on their promise to include us in their coalition government!

(Mikael impales Vladmir with a pair of safety scissors. Exit Mikael.)

I love me a hot, rich bad guy. So this tycoon, is he a looker a la Victor von Doom? *drools a little*

He was sort of like one of those libertarian sociopaths from Ayn Rand’s books with a dash of Tony Stark. *dabs your drool.* He was also a looker, yes. You know, if you’re interested, I can still get you a copy of Little Winged One. Or I can just E-mail you segments including sexy rebel billionaires. (There are several!)

That leads me into my next question:

Q: You’re hiding a secret appendage under your clothing that ISN’T supposed to be there. What is it?

A: Oh, those are just my safety scissors! I always carry safety scissors.

Q: You discover a cave near your house. The sentient creatures inside it declare you’re their guardian because you shared your PB&J. Describe the creatures and what other treats you’ll share with them. (Bonus points if you give them a name and tell us what they call YOU.)

A: They’re kind of like mountrain gorillas only they’re nocturnal, have near-human intelligence and a 60 foot vertical leap. I’ll take them pretty much whatever they want to eat, and judging from those highly developed canines I’m thinking that will be mostly medical waste! I’ll call them by their names, all of which are “Sunny.” Also, none of the above will be true and they will be my dog.

Q: How do you feel about bunnies?

A: If I learned anything from seven seasons of Buffy it was “don’t get into bunnies with Anya.”

Q: You have to be attacked by something, you hope it’s a) a lemming b) a lemon c) a *says in a spooky voice* LEPRECHAUN d) lava lamp

A: I have the most to lose and the most to gain in the leprechaun scenario, and I like to live life on the edge. So I’ll take the lemming, just to be an asshole.

Q: If you had to name a child after a kind of pasta, which pasta would it be?

A: Overcooked. Overcooked Kosh. Also, I’ll seriously forward you those rebel billionaire chapters if you want. I have like nothing going on right now. Ask me about a hypothetical Terminator next.

Q: If a robot was sent back in time to off your parents so you were never born, what would it look like? Bonus question: what would it’s catch phrase be?

A: It would probably look like me and it’s catchphrase would be “I am not a robot, I’m just a man who has discovered an extremely angsty use for time travel.”

Q: Fill in the blank: People who __________ make me go ______I am _____ and ____________.

A: People who swim make me go______ I am bad at Mad Libs and I farted, it’s funny.

 

What grade do we give Will Kosh for his crazy/awkward answers? Comment with your letter grade below!

Got a question you’d like to ask him or one you want to see on the next crazy/awkward interview? Comment!